Being in love is awesome. Falling out of love sucks. So, when you think you get to choose which option you're going to take, you usually pick number one. And so many people I know fight with, and for, the person they love long after they should've pulled the plug on the relationship.
Actually, now that I've written 'pull the plug' I kind of like that metaphor, even though its a morbid one. Your relationship is dead. You know its dead, she (or he) knows its dead, and the only thing keeping it going is life support (or, as I have decided to call it, 'love support'). And especially if you've never ended a relationship before, you begin to think that love support equates to love. Heads up - it doesn't.
Your first love is special. You opened yourself up to another human in a way you didn't know was possible. Maybe they took your virginity. If you were having sex with them, you probably felt comfortable - if they weren't the first person you've slept with, it probably seemed like the most comfortable you'd ever be with someone. The thought of sleeping with someone else might scare the absolute crap out of you. What will they think of your stretch marks or scars? How often will you have to shave? How do you even go about sleeping with someone for the first time? Ergh. Faced with all of these awkward questions, its easy enough to decide to stick with love support.
You know you have flaws. When you're in love for the first time, it's easy to believe they are the only person who can put up with your flaws. More often than not, in a less-than-perfect relationships your S.O. has pointed out your flaws to you. If you're in a really crappy relationship (and I'm speaking from experience), your S.O. might've actually told you "I'm the only one who can put up with you".
But here's the thing. Whoever you are, whatever you've been, you deserve to be happy. Nobody deserves to feel like they are anything less than perfect for their partner. And there are like, seven BILLION people in the world. Do you really think you're that special or that awful that there's only ONE person who will date you? No. You don't.
Break ups are hard. I hate break ups. More than hating break ups, I hate feeling as if I've given up on something. I'm not going to sugar coat the idea of breaking up with your first love- because it's awful. My last break up sucked. I cried so hard i threw up. I didn't eat for three days. I got really, absurdly drunk. I tried drugs, and I'm not a drug person. But after a week or two, I began to notice some things.
I had friends. Like really fantastic friends who cared about me. Friends I had ignored while I was desperately attending to a hemorrhaging relationship.
I was perfectly capable of making myself happy. I didn't need someone to tell me I was beautiful, or to wipe my tears. I could wipe my own bloody tears. I could look in the mirror and tell myself I was a fucking goddess. It was easy, and it was fun.
Breaking up with your first love sounds impossible. But it isn't- trust me. I'm not going to say it'll all work out perfectly, because life isn't perfect. But it will sure as hell be better than staying plugged in to love support for the rest of your life.
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